Movie Review: Mere Brother Ki Dulhan

Who is Ali Abbas Zafar? Why in the world does he get the fortunate privilege of scripting and directing a movie? How in the world did this bombastic failure of a movie pass test screenings? Does Bollywood even have test screenings? What convinced Imran Khan to accept a movie like this? Does he even read the scripts he is accepting? Why is Katrina Kaif so damn attractive?

I do not have answers to any of the above questions. I had the misfortune of watching this movie even though I am all the way in Austin, Texas. Yes, the brown population is indeed widespread, and where there is brown, there is Bollywood. But, just when I thought that the Indian Film Industry was going through a mini-renaissance, something this preposterous had to come along and ruin everything.

Mere Brother Ki Dulhan is abysmal. Every single minute of it is incredibly poor. The opening credits are roped in with a 5-minute song, which sets the pace for the movie. Let’s break it down.

Soundtrack (Since I Already Kinda Touched On This)

There are 8 songs scattered poorly through the movie, and even though some of them are not too bad, they just seem extremely forced. The Mere Brother Ki Dulhan title song is annoyingly addictive, which gets stuck in your head – effective indeed, but also torturous. “Isq Risk” is witty and I personally enjoyed the distorted guitar in the song, but that’s more like finding a tiny clean spot on an extremely filthy handkerchief. And the score? Oh Lord. It’s exactly like those Indian TV soap operas – constantly changing, dauntingly dramatic and forever frustrating. The score tells you what’s going to happen before the dialogue. Do NOT buy the soundtrack; bootleg it if you’re extremely desperate.

Story

I do not get how this script and story line made it through brainstorming sessions, critiques or whatever Bollywood scripts go through before they get produced.  The story is exactly what the title says. Older brother tells younger brother to find him a wife. Younger brother finds him a wife who he obviously falls in love with. In the end, everything works out. Trust me this is not a spoiler, it’s just obvious. The script is extremely poor and not funny. Forget the script, the concept is itself so dumb (I am running out of negative words, apologies). There is this obvious lack of creativity and depth that just leaves me dumbfounded. What a waste of money.

Acting

Personally, I am a fan of both Imran Khan and Katrina Kaif and was unpleasantly surprised that they succumbed to the mysterious lure of this movie. I liked Imran Khan in Delhi Belly, and I LOVED Katrina Kaif in ZNMD, but they are extremely mediocre in this movie. Katrina Kaif is hot, but her character is overplayed. I really don’t think it’s her fault, I think that she was just directed that way – so disappointing. The semi-bright spots are the two fathers who do a decent job. The older brother, Ali Zafar, an Indian version of the Tangled cartoon-guy, is also average. Tara D’Souza, the supporting actress, has a really awkward face while she does her “item number” which is as far away as you can be from “sexy.” Can someone please send her Malaika Arora Khan‘s number?

I don’t think this movie will do well even with the masses. It might leave a few men drooling, but even that’s not worth it. Personally, I love the general concept of film-making. The ability to tell stories that can change peoples lives, or to even enthrall them for a few hours, is extremely heartening. So, when I see so much money spent on such rubbish, it’s highly off-putting. A script like this needs to be rejected. A director/script-writer like Ali Abbas Zafar, needs to be fired. Personally, I hope to never hear of him again.

Image Courtesy: Bharath Cinemas